“Or else it gets the hose again!”

It has now been almost two weeks since I abandoned all routine, left work, and began my own personal quest for artistic fulfillment in the guise of sitting at my home computer, staring blankly at my keyboard, wondering how the hell to write a novel.

I have one year to figure out the answer to that question. If you are reading this and feeling the sting of envy at the thought of 12 months of freedom from the daily grind of demanding bosses, commuting and office drama, well… I wish I could say I was living up to the imagined glory.

Perhaps you are imagining what you would do with all this unscheduled time? Days spent reveling in hedonistic excess; wine and chocolate for breakfast, spa treatments, trips to the beach, French lessons, casual meandering through coffee shops or mid-day yoga, hours spent perusing Netflix…

Alas, my capacity for unbridled joy has atrophied after years of cudgeling my brain into the conformity of office life. Like a kidnap victim trapped in a beige cubicle, being told to finish that PowerPoint presentation and also to rub the lotion on its skin, I am having considerable trouble unwinding, for fear of getting the hose again.

The first week brought with it chilly weather and oppressive cloud-cover. My autumnal instincts took over, and I slaved away in the kitchen, preparing for months of hibernation by baking unhealthy treats and obsessively hacking through those items that continually sink to the bottom of the “to do” list due to their total unimportance (reorganize cupboards, put up proper window blinds in the kitchen, sell old DVDs, obsessively sort papers in den…).

I’m sure I’ll find equilibrium eventually, but it’s going to take a while to get into a new groove. Last time I took a leave of absence, for the much more pleasant occupation of globetrotting, I kicked off with a month in Colorado and a camping road trip to the Grand Canyon – a wise choice, as the trip was amazing and my friends in Denver helped me find my traveling pace.

Why not just travel again? I could, but I’m worried that if I start I won’t be able to stop. I might head for the horizon and fail to buckle down and write anything more than blog posts about where I’m going next. So, for now, I’ll stay rooted in Toronto and try to find my writing routine. I’m prescribing for myself a gentle reordering of the mind and the development of some new habits:

• try to go for a run at least 3 times a week
• visit different libraries to see where I work best
• spend time with my mom, who has a mellowing effect
• long bike rides on weekends, to get some sunshine
• recording my reading, both for research and pleasure
• blogging more, to overcome self-consciousness about exposing my writing
• auditing a few writing classes at George Brown and U of T

I’m also going to dial down the reading of “helpful” books on The Craft, and embrace a more casual practice of writing down a scene or two of my own invention every day. While it was comforting reading the soothing advice of Anne Lamott’s ‘Bird by Bird’ and hearing the wise words of Nat Goldberg’s ‘Writing Down the Bones’, I started to get panicky after hitting the “how to” manuals, like John Truby’s ‘Anatomy Of Story’ where he gives “helpful” advice like “Step 1: Write Something That May Change Your Life”. Fuck me. Really? That’s a tall order. What if I just want to ENTERTAIN people, hmm? I won’t even talk about ‘The Artist’s Way’, which is driving several of my other friends in their 30s who have not yet achieved their desired level of creative output completely insane.

So this is my beginning. Next post: starting with a bang, my research on opening lines.

Forgive me Internet, for I have Slacked

It has been 365 days since my last blog post.

Where to begin? Well, I’m still alive. Although this blog has suffered from neglect, I have continued to record my life online, but in a more divided way. Running and exercise has been recorded on Daily Mile. Knitting projects and stash are faithfully catalogued on Ravelry. I’ve been Tweeting. I will now sum up the past twelve months in less than 1000 words. Here goes…

Plenty has happened since last May, with the most significant change being my father’s death in February 2011 at the age of 78 after a long and difficult struggle with Alzheimer’s Disease. I am grateful for the peace and dignity of his passing, but he is sorely missed.

Chronologically speaking, D and I finished our renovations last June and moved into our new condo near St. Lawrence Market in mid-July. At the end of July we took a short trip to Montreal, and drove out to meet D’s extended family at a place called Magog in the beautiful Eastern Townships of Quebec.

In August, I did the Midsummer Night’s Run again, and we had a slightly longer holiday, this time to Croatia, where D enjoyed scuba diving and I ate lots of pasta in cities whose names began with Z.

In September, I ran the Scotia Half-Marathon. After that, it’s all a blank.

In October, D got his full motorcycle license and I started an Editing Principles course at George Brown, taking up my Thursday evenings. We made our first batch of homemade wine, a tasty Malbec called “Drunk Robot”. We also did an ill-advised trip to Canada’s Wonderland for the Hallowe’en Haunt (never again!!), and went for a cheesy romantic 2nd anniversary dinner at La Maquette. I knit a lot – two hats, two shawls, a shrug, a cowl and a tea cosy.

In November, we went on a road trip to Stratford and Port Dover to visit friends and play board games. We also got stuck in an elevator during the Annual General Meeting for my condo – not fun. As usual, we had an incredible American Thanksgiving dinner with our American peeps. Yum. More knitting shawls, a baby jacket for my cousin’s son, and some more cowls for Christmas.

December was a lot of holiday parties and a total birthday party fail, followed by a madcap Christmas Eve trip to upstate New York to visit Darren’s mom for Christmas. We had a beautiful drive through postcard-perfect snow-covered mountains and enjoyed fine hospitality at her fire-heated cabin in the woods.

January 1st was a triumphant day – I finally completed my audiobook recording of Susanna Moodie’s “Roughing It in the Bush” for Librivox. 18hrs 48mins total OMG. I started my Grammar for Editors course at George Brown, eating up my Tuesday nights. My good friend Nona did her thesis defense, so I got to see her after a long absence, and we went to our friend Emma’s housewarming. I also knit a toy crab. Fun.

February was a bit bleak – D went on his long-term goal trip to Thailand to dive, soaking up sunshine and eating delicious spicy noodle dishes, while I huddled in our apartment in the frozen tundra we call Toronto. I did manage a few outings: one brunch with my friends Adam and Jenny, one ladies night with my girls that had some marvelous hot tub fun, one fateful trip to an antique bookstore and also an archery store in Toronto to look at bows with my friend Zeena… but otherwise all I remember is a lot of cold, stormy weather. My Dad passed away peacefully on February 26, and I’m grateful that D was home to support me as I helped my Mum through the arrangements.

March was quiet. D and I bought recurve bows and did some shooting at the outdoor range near the Ontario Science Centre. I caved to peer pressure and bought an iPhone – my first personal smartphone. We visited our friends Amy & Paul at their home in Newmarket and saw their sweet daughter.

In April, D tested for and got his G2 license, allowing him to drive without me in the passenger seat. We celebrated by driving Zeena to the Bow Shop in Waterloo, furthering the archery frenzy. I realized I had missed most of my Editing for the Web course at George Brown but pulled a hail mary and passed the course by scoring 100% on the final exam. We flew Porter to New York City to visit Lara and Aaron, and went over the bridge to Brooklyn to join the wonderful Bill and Heather in Park Slope for Easter dinner. We enjoyed Central Park and Chelsea and Alphabet City and touring the United Nations, and I bought a small laptop while drunk after a great night at P.D.T. Good times.

And now it is May. We held my father’s funeral on May 14, where I reconnected with my lovely godparents from Philadelphia and their many children and grandchildren. I started a new course at George Brown in Copyediting, eating up my Monday nights. D sold his motorcycle, and we are making plans for our staggered upcoming leaves of absence from work. I have one month left in my job here at Cabinet Office before heading back to my home position at the Attorney General. In September I will be taking a year off work, where I hope to buckle down to some creative writing at long last. D will follow me, taking his year off starting next summer, so we have a few months of overlap, possibly for some traveling time together.

…bringing us up to today. I can’t honestly say that it will be easy to get back into the swing of blogging again. The combination of being busy and contented with life makes it hard to write consistently. But I’ll do my best to not leave it so long next time. Even if I’m no longer as interested in the “know thyself” aspect of keeping a diary, I do think it’s useful to have an external hard drive for the brain – memories recorded for when memory fails.

Until next time.