{"id":1352,"date":"2006-12-29T20:04:00","date_gmt":"2006-12-30T00:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/archives\/1352"},"modified":"2006-12-29T20:04:00","modified_gmt":"2006-12-30T00:04:00","slug":"2007-is-all-aboutsexual-reassignment-surgery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/archives\/1352","title":{"rendered":"2007 Is All About…Sexual Reassignment Surgery?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n
\n

\nIn the year 2007 I resolve to:
Get the chick next door pregnant.<\/p>\n

\nGet your resolution here.
\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

Wow, I guess it’s a good thing I sold my soul to Satan today to get rid of my cold, because now I have room just above my ovaries (that’s where the soul is located, right?) to put in all the man-gear I’m going to need to knock up the lady in apartment 308. <\/p>\n

Actually, we’ll probably need to try IVF, because I think the lady in 308 is about 72 years old. This might actually hurt her more than it hurts me. <\/p>\n

On the plus side? I’m guessing a soul weighs about 4lbs, so I’m thinner now!<\/p>\n

For those of you wondering why I’ve embraced eternal damnation, allow me to clarify. By ‘making a deal with the devil’, what I really mean is ‘taking antibiotics, despite my stauch anti-antibiotics philosophy,’ so let’s all pray whatever Keira gave me isn’t viral, fungal or parasitic and I’m not just wasting my time and building up my resistance to drugs. I hope it’s okay to mix antibiotics with ginseng, hawthorn berry, ginger, lemon, echinacea and voodoo, because there at this point there is NOTHING I won’t try to get well in less than 24 hours.<\/p>\n

See, I’ve decided to not be sick tomorrow, and be awesome instead. In healthy, immunocompetant individuals, the common cold resolves in seven days on average. But I just don’t have that kind of time. So, my conversations on NYE will probably go like this…<\/p>\n

“What’s that? No, I feel great<\/i>! My neck is always<\/i> this swollen! By the way, don’t let me operate any motor vehicles, as I am under the influence of at least 4 opiate-based analgesics<\/a>, 3 antihistamines<\/a>, and a friendly little vasoconstrictor<\/a> I like to call adrenaline<\/i>! Wazzup! [insert air guitar motion here] See, my leukocytes<\/a> just aren’t stepping up to the plate, so I’ve decided, fuck phagocytosis<\/a>. Go, go, gadget COX-2 inhibitors<\/a>!”<\/p>\n

ps – I love Wikipedia.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the year 2007 I resolve to:Get the chick next door pregnant. Get your resolution here. Wow, I guess it’s a good thing I sold my soul to Satan today to get rid of my cold, because now I have room just above my ovaries (that’s where the soul is located, right?) to put in […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1352","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-consciousness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1352"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1352"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1352\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1352"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1352"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1352"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}