Made it to Vancouver in one piece, very sleepy but okay. <\/p>\n
It’s a good thing When I arrived, Keira decided we needed<\/i> to go to the mall. According to her, our reasons for going to the mall were threefold: find a jaunty chapeau, get some jean-skirt friendly shoes and visit EB Games for some new PS2 entertainment. As you can see, we had a packed agenda. <\/p>\n I openly loathe malls. Loathe them. I would rather bathe myself in acid than go to a mall on an average day. But Keira is my cousin and I love her, and since I’d just forcibly added her to Facebook against her will, I decided to play nice and we went to the mall. We had a reasonably good time and bought Keira a smokin’ hot turquoise bikini that she looks like a Bond girl in. <\/p>\n We also invested in 4 videogames, matching monkey-print pyjamas, a classy 8-pack of beer and a bag of Smartfood with the plan of beating the 890mm of rain bucketing down on Vancouver with a girls night in. This plan encountered some difficulties.<\/p>\n Problem 1: Keira hates my taste in videogames. Katamari Damacy? Hated it. Ergo, we RETURNED to the mall. The same mall. In Richmond. Again. Twice in one day. The man at Purdy’s said they had no candy apples, so K. sated her sweet tooth with a freakish concoction from Dairy Queen involving soft ice cream, blue raspberry sauce and slushie juice. She instantly regretted it. <\/p>\n We called it a day and returned home, where Keira decided she had found the solution to our lack of entertainment. Beer + Miss USA 2007! In her mind, this equation ended in FUN. I’m not very good at math, but to me, it equalled DISASTER. When I voiced this unpopular opinion, Keira’s immediate response, and I’m quoting directly here, was: “Listen, you be quiet or I’ll take you back to the mall!”<\/p>\n If that isn’t proof that my beloved cousin has been temporarily possessed by Satan, allow me to offer the following exchange as further evidence: <\/p>\n Keira: (watching Miss USA 2007) “I can’t believe you aren’t enjoying this with me.” So far, Keira refuses to change the channel, even though she knows I’m mocking her publicly for it. We’re down to the final five contestants: Nevada (bubblegum puke lady), Tennessee (Keira thinks she’ll win), Kansas (I think she’ll win because she loves the baby Jesus), Rhode Island and California. I’m going to shoot myself in the head before I find out who the winner is, so this will be my last LJ entry and I hope you enjoyed it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Made it to Vancouver in one piece, very sleepy but okay. It’s a good thing and I have a solid relationship based on shared blood because today has tested the things we can do together and still “have fun”. When I arrived, Keira decided we needed to go to the mall. According to her, our […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1419","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-consciousness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1419"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1419"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1419\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1419"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1419"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1419"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nProblem 2: Keira has only one functioning PS2 controller. The “guest” controller was broken.
\nProblem 3: Keira saw someone on TV eat a candy apple, and suffered an incapacitating attack of “want, take, have”. <\/p>\n
\nMoira: (typing this entry at the computer) “Oh, can’t you?”
\nKeira: “Ewww! Missouri is walking like she’s sucking in EVERYTHING. Gross! Look. LOOK AT THE TV.”
\nMoira: “Please don’t make me. It hurts.”
\nKeira: “Oh my god, you have<\/i> to look at this dress. It’s like a bubblegum puked all over her!”
\nMoira: “Do you realise what you just said? I’d read it back to you but I think it will be more fun when you read this tomorrow.”
\nKeira: “You’re sleeping on the deck tonight. And we’re going back to the mall.”<\/p>\n