I went to get a panoramic x-ray of my head done yesterday, in preparation for the removal of all four of my not-so-wise teeth, which have decided to grow into my mouth in whatever way will cause maximum damage to other teeth and to my jaw. <\/p>\n
While the x-ray was cool (I have HUGE teeth! and my cervical vertebrae are lookin’ just fine: early onset osteoporosis, my ass), my dentist’s furrowed brow and pursed lips as he examined it was… not so cool. <\/p>\n
He actually said, and I quote, “Now I like to make a buck as much as the next guy, but I really think you’re going to want to be unconscious for most of this. There’s going to have to be some cutting into your lower jaw bone on both sides and that upper right one is just… hoo-eee. Why don’t I write you a referral to see an oral surgeon?”<\/p>\n
So now I have my appointment booked with Dr. Cameron Clokie<\/a> at 11:30am on Tuesday, March 30th. They say it’ll only take an hour or so, and I should be out of there by 1pm at the latest. I’m pretty nervous about the whole procedure, but at least I have Justin to take my groggy, anaesthetized self home afterwards. I just hope I don’t have blood all over my face, because blood sort of looks like barbecue sauce, and as we all know, barbecue sauce all over a girl’s face looks really foul<\/a>. The upside to all this slicing and dicing of my bones and gums is that I fully intend to take the rest of the week off work. That means I work Monday, March 29th, and then I am away from the office until Monday, April 5th (which is a short week anyway because of Easter). <\/p>\n In the meantime, I’m embracing the spirit of surgery. I have the big 6″x10″ x-ray of my mouth hanging up in my cubicle, and am planning on watching Little Shop of Horrors tonight. <\/p>\n Dentist song lyrics<\/strong><\/p>\n When I was young and just a bad little kid, You’ll be a dentist. You’re temperament’s wrong for the priesthood, “Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque.” “Oh, that hurts! Wait! I’m not numb!” I am your dentist. I thrill when I drill a bicuspid. And though it may cause my patients distress. ‘Cause I’m a dentist… “Say ahh…” I went to get a panoramic x-ray of my head done yesterday, in preparation for the removal of all four of my not-so-wise teeth, which have decided to grow into my mouth in whatever way will cause maximum damage to other teeth and to my jaw. While the x-ray was cool (I have HUGE teeth! […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-654","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-consciousness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/654"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=654"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/654\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2310,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/654\/revisions\/2310"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=654"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=654"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=654"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nMy momma noticed funny things I did.
\nLike shootin’ puppies with a BB-Gun.
\nI’d poison guppies, and when I was done,
\nI’d find a pussy-cat and bash in it’s head.
\nThat’s when my momma said…
\n(What did she say?)
\nShe said my boy I think someday
\nYou’ll find a way
\nTo make your natural tendencies pay… <\/p>\n
\nYou have a talent for causing things pain!
\nSon, be a dentist.
\nPeople will pay you to be inhumane! <\/p>\n
\nAnd teaching would suit you still less.
\nSon, be a dentist.
\nYou’ll be a success. <\/p>\n
\n “Watch him suck up that gas. Oh My God!”
\n “He’s a dentist and he’ll never ever be any good.”
\n “Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis De Sade?” <\/p>\n
\n “Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!” <\/p>\n
\nAnd I enjoy the career that I picked.
\nI’m your dentist.
\nAnd I get off on the pain I inflict! <\/p>\n
\nIt’s swell, though then tell me I’m maladjusted. <\/p>\n
\nSomewhere…Somewhere in heaven above me…
\nI know…I know that my momma’s proud of me.
\n “Oh, Momma…” <\/p>\n
\nAnd a success! <\/p>\n
\n “Say AHhhh…”
\n “Say AAARRRHHHH!!!”
\n “Now Spit!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"