\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.kellie.de\/episodes\/urkel_holdingphoto.jpg\")
<\/p>\nOMG, I am so going to be shot dead by the fashion police today. <\/p>\n
I was pretty groggy when I woke up at 7am after my late night o’ typing, and so my judgment may have been impaired when I looked into my pile o’ clothes and picked out my current attire. <\/p>\n
See, my Mom really loves me and she’s sweet and kind enough to buy me clothing from time to time. Occasionally, this is a huge success. Other times, not so much. An example of one of the latter, doubleplusungood instances of apparel horror is what I believe she referred to as the “smart-looking” suit I am sporting this morning. <\/p>\n
It’s Tommy Hilfiger, which is an immediate strike against it, but the most notably bad feature is that it is bedecked with zippers in abundant, inappropriately eighties\/biker areas like POCKETS AT THE FRONT OF THE SKIRT AND JACKET, RIGHT UP THE FRONT OF THE SKIRT, and CONTINUING UP THE FRONT OF THE JACKET. <\/p>\n
The jacket is this bolero-style travesty that has waaaay too much fabric across the shouler-blades, creating the mesmerizing illusion that I’m packing breasts on both the front AND back. Which is actually really repulsive looking and I pray that plastic surgery and porno never carry us to the state where that becomes a fashionable trend. <\/p>\n
I’ve been avoiding a description of the fabric. Picture it: dark denim. Shiny<\/i> dark denim with teeny-weeny diagonal cross-hatching in white. Shiny dark denim with thin tan-coloured vertical pinstripes woven at 1\/2 inch intervals perpendicular to the white cross-hatching (except at the cuffs and collar, where the pinstripes run horizontally). I have chosen to pair this with another of my mother’s garage-sale finds, a collarless white shirt with alternating 1\/8 inch and triple 1\/16 inch pinstripe in navy blue. Too. Much. Pinstripe.<\/p>\n
The skirt is belted with a snap-fastening one-inch strip of the same fabric. The skirt is also (in contrast to the ultra-short jacket) *inexplicably* long, going to almost mid-calf despite my desperate upper-waist adjustments to accomodate its unwieldy length, causing me to look like Jaleel White’s long-lost sister, ‘Urkletta’.
\n<\/p>\n
Pantyhose? No.
\nLeg hair? Yes.
\nDeodorant? No.
\nNavy-blue suede loafers? Yes.<\/p>\n
I am so sexy today it hurts. It really, really hurts.<\/p>\n
I should have known that the situation was dire when I went back into the bedroom after getting dressed to give What’s that? What are you asking? Paper? Writing? How did it… *crackle* OMG, I am so going to be shot dead by the fashion police today. I was pretty groggy when I woke up at 7am after my late night o’ typing, and so my judgment may have been impaired when I looked into my pile o’ clothes and picked out my current attire. See, my Mom […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-928","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-consciousness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/928"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=928"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/928\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=928"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=928"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pipesdreams.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=928"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n*buzz*
\nI’m sorry…
\n*static* …I can’t hear you… the line’s breaking up… <\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"