Fuck you, umbrellas
Your pointy tips threaten me:
Rain is far better
Long, metal fingers
Clawing beneath black nylon
Hungry for eyeballs
It’s only water!
What are you, melting witches?
Suck it up, sissies
Precipitation
Makes city dwellers panic,
“Oh no, not my suede!”
Seriously, first of all those things give people an increased sense of personal space (when downtown there are already too many people), and they’ve coincidentally made the pokey-bits at my direct eye-level. That’s why you don’t see me with an umbrella; I don’t believe in them. Raincoats serve us just fine, and they take up less space.