“I know who it is. It’s Machete Phil, come out from the jungle!”

1. I woke up at 8:30am today. Got into work at 9:45am. Not very punctual. Bad Pipes, no biscuit.

2. I wish I was watching Club Dread right now. Particularly the scene with the Pac-Maze and the people wearing fruit costumes. And the machete.

3. Yesterday I spent most of the day at work, reading up on provincial contingency plans in the event of a pandemic viral haemmoragic fever outbreak. I really didn’t want to know that much about the incubation time and quarantine procedure for Ebola. Icky.

4. Last night I got home to three mail packages: my e-bay purchased out of print Criterion Collection Hitchcock 5-disc set; Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn in ‘Charade’ (also Criterion); and another dozen quilting books. Hooray.

5. I was having some rage issues on the way home from work last night; as I was walking down Bay on my way to Union, I kept picturing thuggish youths attacking me, and the blissful release of being able to defend myself violently against them. I bit my lip and there was blood in my mouth and my jaw was tight and fists were clenched, thumbs on the outside, all the way to the train.

6. A lot of this anger has to do with how impotent I feel about Justin’s current situation. I can’t really help him get a new job, or eat properly, or feel better. As a result, I think I’m making us both feel worse. I might crash out at a friend’s house tonight just to get away from the situation and give him some breathing room. Maybe I’ll go see , who has been dealing with stress of his own lately. Or , who I haven’t seen since before Christmas.

7. Monkeys.

21 thoughts on ““I know who it is. It’s Machete Phil, come out from the jungle!”

  1. Come on down, baby – I’m not at home tonight, but I *am* going to be at David’s new place, helping him paint. Why, hello, right up your alley? Coincidentally, I’m looking forward to the opportunity to work out a little frustration through mind-numbing physical labour. Interested?

    e-mail me or give me a shout – I’ll understand if you’re not super-into the `come out and do work from which you get virtually no benefit’ thing – notice how all my offers of `help’ lately come in the guise of `help me do this?’. If that doesn’t work, let’s get together & watch Club Dread – a little margarita-age may be what’s needed.


  2. You and Erin should form a support group. She’s feeling the same way about Steve’s situation.


  3. Rage issues! Nothing like life upheavals to make you paranoid and/or violently aggressive. A Forest Hill driver tried to mow me down yesterday (not what I’d call an uncommon experience) and I was just furious for about an hour afterward. The finger may have been flipped. The words “It’s called PEDESTRIAN RIGHT OF WAY, ASSHOLE and you better be SORRY WHEN YOU KILL SOMEONE” may have been hollered. An old lady may have tutted at me (what are you tutting at? It’s HIM that doesn’t know the rules of the damn road!). Overreacting much? Oh, just a little.

  4. Nah, you’re not overreacting.

    If I could be assured that no one would actually be hurt too bad (this will never happen), I would love to see some big fender benders on Spadina – just so some of these idiots wrapped in their $100,000+ steel cocoons would feel a little fear and restraint once in a while. I can’t imagine we’ll ever manage to move out of that neighbourhood before a pedestrian gets killed, the way those self-important assholes burn and weave through that strip.

    Actually one of the biggest problems is the self-important assholes inventing their own parking spots – double parked, in front of a fire hydrant/bus stop/driveway, right on the fucking sidewalk! This morning, there was this idiot of a woman who parked with the engine on, 1/2 way into a spot in front of the CIBC, simultaneously blocking a driveway, and leaving her butt out in traffic to make everyone else weave around her. This is *directly* across the street from a CITY PARKING LOT. Use it! No? You’re too important?

  5. It’s not much of an offer, but some time after Feb 19th (because I’m under the waves till then), I think we’re going to all be in need of a massive self-counselling, get it all out smash stuff up good party. Of some kind. It’ll happen.

  6. You tried to walk in Forest Hill? Everyone knows you’re supposed to double or triple park your SUV in the doorway of the place you’re visiting! Walking is something poor people do, dah-link! (I, too, have nearly been run over by Forest Hill drivers. Sometimes, while I’m driving, sometimes, while walking)

  7. But… but just anyone can use a city lot!

    The reason the asshole last night made me so mad was that he fully saw me, but instead of waiting for me, he tooted his horn and shook his head at me he gunned past. Since when does a turning vehicle have right-of-way over a pedestrian already crossing the street? AT AN INTERSECTION?

    I’ll be fine, really.

  8. 1) Emergency Monkey!

    2) I’ve been where you’re hanging and I think I can see how you’re pinned. Let me know if you want a) to talk about it or b) advice.

  9. I actually have the temerity to live there without an SUV, or indeed a vehicle of any kind.

    But don’t tell the neighbourhood association — they’d have us evicted toot sweet.

  10. We waited as long as possible before succumbing to car-ownership. Even so, I think the neighbourhood association has thier eyes on us for not owning an SUV and only having one car for two people. We’ve even *walked* to buy groceries! Such scandal.

    On the plus side, it seems that the police have been cracking down on parking violations on Spadina.

  11. Oh yes, the highlighted, Ugg-booted heiresses have quite the looks on their little faces when we trundle groceries home in our little CART. Never mind the time we came home from the airport on the TTC and dared to trundle home with SUITCASES.

  12. Oh lord, either are welcome.

    I need to perceive him as a man and a partner again, instead of as a problem to be solved or a person to be cared for and looked after.

    Neither of these perceptions are accurate and they certainly don’t embody him fully in all his complexity, but I’m really starting to develop a nasty mental block.

    Ugh! Blood rage. Maybe I need to join Fight Club.

  13. Argh. Dude, YOU need to call ME. You have all my numbers, and I left a message for you at home, just in case.

    I no longer have your work number since every time I move desks, they delete my Contact folder in Outlook, which is where I store all this stuff, and for some reason I don’t have your work number on my cell phone.

    If I don’t hear from you in another couple of minutes, I’ll just take the train home and quilt tonight.

    Maybe we’ll do the “option 2” alternative another night this week? Not that I don’t love painting, but there’s been a lot of it lately, what with the everyone moving.

  14. That monkey also appears to be infected with some kind of Lovecraftian tentacle parasite. Which only makes it all the more awesome.

  15. I have to check first – being afflicted with GAS (Geek Answer Syndrome), I sometimes offer advice when people just want to vent.

    First, the harsh bits. Own your own shit, and don’t try to own someone else’s shit. You can’t change someone if they don’t want to change. His health, both physical and mental aren’t your responsibility – the only person who can own his issues is him. From what you’ve said, I think you get that, but it bears repeating. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop the situation from sucking major ass.

    What is your problem, though, is the effect that his issues have on you, and your relationship with him. Namely, that you can’t deal with him as an adult while he refuses to act like one, and that you have needs and wants that are going unfulfilled because he’s not looking after his shit.

    Each person in a relationship is responsible for their own wants and needs. First, for working out what they are. Second, for communicating them to thier partner, so that all involved can talk about what courses of action can help get those needs and wants met. Third, for communicating when those needs are not being met.

    Ideally, I’d suggest sitting down with him and talking about what you both want and need, how to get those things, and where things are lacking. However. For that sort of thing to be sucessful, both people have to be willing to communicate openly, which, from the sounds of things, may not be the case here.

    I still think it would be worthwhile to work out the needs you have in the relationship (things like “I need to feel I can trust you”, “I want to spend more time alone together”, etc. – as opposed concrete applications like “I need us to spend every thursday together between 6 and 10”), and identify where things are falling short right now. Trying to talk things out, without assigning blame and trying to shift ownership might help re-tilt things back to a more healthy balance of power. If you can get him to work out what his needs and wants are, and discuss how you plan to work to fulfill those, too, even better.

    has a number of posts on making relationships strong and more congruent – I’m cribbing heavily from her stuff, here, and I suspect I’m nearing the limit for comment size.

    If you want to talk about this more, drop me an e-mail: (lj username) at memento dash mori dot ca

    Finally – *hugs* – I’ve been on both sides of this particular crap pile, and it’s not fun no matter where you stand.

  16. You give good advice, love. 🙂

    (And, M., having also been on both sides of this particular crap-pile, the open communication thing is *really* important. And also, figuring out what your needs are is also really important, and can help a lot to figure out where your needs aren’t being met. At the moment, I’m more in the place where J. is, it sounds like, but I’m aware of it, which it sounds like he might not be.)

    If you want to talk more, my LJ email address works.

  17. Called you – left a message on your cell after getting your message at home. I’ll e-mail you with my phone #.

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