Report From Paradise: Vacation Day 2

Hey. You might be thinking – “Day Two? What the hell happened to Day One?” I will tell you. Day one got CRAPPED UPON by Air Canada.

Day One Report (brief) 4am, wake up; 5:30am cab picks Mum and I up; 6:45am *supposed to* board our plane, 7:00am *actually* make it onto plane (due to ice on stairs); 7:20am plane no go. why plane no go? we don’t know. 7:45am want to get off plane. plane no damn go. plane have navigational systems problem. more ice on freaking stairs. wait on plane. 8am get off plane. get on NEW plane. 8:20am new plane no go. why no go? what wrong with plane. Hate Air Canada. HATE THEM. problem with rear thrusters. 8:50am new plane take off. thrusters fixed. 9:55am arrive in Montreal. little upset. still hoping we can make 10:30am connecting flight to Nassau. 10:20am feel as though I have been in line for ticketing/rerouting for all eternity. people ahead of us need to get to Guadalupe. No flights there. No connections there. Guadalupe only accessible by boat or on foot. Shitty. People take FOR-FUCKING-EVER to get sorted out. 10:45am lost all hope. connecting flight to Nassau gone. No more flights to Nassau today. We are screwed. Lady at ticket booth says we can only connect through Miami. Will not get there until midnight. Alternative is going home to Toronto, taking direct flight tomorrow. Home sounds good. Need food. Have not eaten since toast at 5am. Delerious with hunger. Air Canada attendant growing blurry at edges. Find self weacing back and forth. Seek restaurant. 11:30am Finally eat. So happy. Want to stay in Montreal forever. Food tasty. No more flying. 12:20pm Told that Montreal-Toronto flight is “delayed”. Blood begins pumping through muscles. Want to kill. MUST KILL. MUST SMASH. 1:20pm Good thing Canada customs has taken Mum’s nail file from her. Would find way to kill all Air Canada employees, Green Beret styles, if had sharp object of any kind. 1:30pm Finally board plane home. So tired I fall asleep before take-off. No recollection of flight whatsoever.

After this, it was all okay. Cab home. Cab back to airport today. Took direct flight. All is good. Now in Nassau, drinking rum, waiting to open Christmas Gifts.

Ahhh… rum.

6 thoughts on “Report From Paradise: Vacation Day 2

  1. Oh, Good Lord – that is a WORLD OF BAD.

    I’m so sorry your `trip’ sucked that much – I’ve heard bad Air Canada stories, but that may be the worst. If you want `the union’ to come and attack Air Canada, I think I have some extra recruits who may rally to your cause – Gauthier among them.

    Enjoy the rum – it makes everything better. 🙂


  2. My connection flight was cancelled and I had to spend lots of time in Terminal 1. So boring! But your story is worse. . .

    Have fun in Nassau!

  3. Dear God. I mean, my experience of the international flight across was bad enough for me – but really, it was ‘okay’. The flights left just about on time (within a couple of hours each time), and were *kinda* comfortable (although I caught a really bad cold right after getting back that mi madre is convinced was due to Air Canada air recycling policies) – but it was basically nowhere near as good as United.

    I could be biased by the fact that United had me blitzed on all the Johnny Walker Black Label I could fit into me by the time we were an hour in – while Air Canada managed to find the time to give me a couple of plastic glasses of cheap red wine during the flight…

    But still! If I want to pass the flight in an alcoholic stupor, I think it should be allowed!

  4. Awesome, this is just like an episode of “The Amazing Race”

    mishaps like this cost you the million bucks!

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